Think back across the last week and the conversations you’ve been a part of…
In the shoes of the receiver, how many times were you fully — without distractions, without expectations, without judgement — hearing what was being shared?
In the shoes of the speaker, how many times do you feel your audience was fully engaged — without distractions, without expectations, without judgement?
A similar reflection exercise led in my CPC course became one of the most impactful for me this semester. Why? Two reasons:
- I realized the answer was unequivocally ‘Zero’ to those questions. As a mom, a colleague, a friend, a wife… The answer was ‘zero.’ Mind blowing, and slightly embarrassing, as I took a lot of pride in being a good listener (so I thought).
- As part of my coach training, I had to spend as much time engaging as the client as I did the coach. As client, it didn’t take long to realize how:
- having the space to articulate my situation and mindset helped me see the bigger picture, paths forward, and flaws I hadn’t seen before;
- having a coach with no attachment to ‘how I got here’ or desire to point me in any direction, one who listened and asked thought-provoking questions tailored to my situation, quickly sharpened my perspective and motivated action(s).
Having a dedicated space and time to get the challenges and opportunities I was facing out of my head, dig a little deeper and reflect, provided clarity and a desire to make forward movement. This is something most of us don’t make the time for.
It is “the norm” for most of us in our busy work and personal lives to listen at a surface level — be thinking about how to respond or meander off on other topics, even if trying hard to focus on what is being shared. It is equally standard not to allot time to process the challenges and opportunities in front of us. We’re not making the space to listen to others, listen to ourselves, and in turn aren’t being given the chance to be heard.
At its core, coaching is client-driven and encapsulates listening. Clients are empowered as smart, capable human beings that have the answers if given the space and support to truly reflect and dissect what’s important, what’s getting in the way, and how all action and inaction tie to core personal values — even when focusing on professional scenarios. This isn’t easy or comfortable work, and it’s the push coaches give to those who are ready to listen to themselves in support of making a change.
So now I come with two challenges. Across the next week:
- Assess how you’re showing up as the receiver of conversations. Push yourself to remove distractions and come to the table with a mindset centered on curiosity vs. bias toward what you expect or want as outcomes.
- Set aside 15 minutes, without distraction, to jot down the vision of where you want to be professionally, and a few situational or thematic topics that you want to address in order to achieve that vision.
If you do this work, I’d be surprised to hear if you’re not feeling like a better version of a colleague, parent, friend, etc. based on having more meaningful discussions, and motivated to take a step forward in achieving your ultimate vision. All of this because of a dedication to a new and different type of listening.